Please forgive our politicians for desperately courting Taylor Swift

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Being a politician is a tough life. When the phone rings it’s likely either your boss (bad), the press (worse), or a disgruntled member of the public (unthinkable).

So it’s understandable that when an actual celebrity comes a-calling, you pay attention. That happened in the United Kingdom when Taylor Swift’s mother (who is at least a celebrity by association) got London police to give her daughter the full blue-lights-flashing-get-out-of-the-way treatment usually reserved for members of the royal family (when, for example, King Charles has run out of organic muesli or Prince Andrew needs escorting to a PizzaExpress) on the way to her Eras Tour shows.

Home Secretary Yvette Cooper and London Mayor Sadiq Khan were involved in talks with the police, and Cooper warned that cancellation of the Swift gigs “would be economically damaging and embarrassing,” The Sun reported — presumably because Keir Starmer had free tickets and couldn’t cancel the babysitter at such short notice.

Swift is undoubtedly a political figure. She wields too much power not to be and of course has backed Kamala Harris in the United States election. Donald Trump has celebrity backers too, such as Hulk Hogan and Kid Rock, which would be great if the election were being held in 1999.

Perhaps the Swift effect even helped propel Liz Truss to the heights of British PM (there must be a reason!) because Truss posed for a picture with Tay Tay at an awards ceremony in 2019 when she was chief secretary to the Treasury (Truss, not Swift, who has never, as far as I can tell, held any senior roles in the British Treasury).

The lure of the celeb is irresistible. In 2021, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen tweeted a photo next to Dua Lipa while at the Atlantic Council Leadership Awards — they were nominated for best duet!

Von der Leyen was perhaps thinking about what could have been. You may recall the footage of von der Leyen’s father, former Minister-President of Lower Saxony Ernst Albrecht, introducing his singing family on the show “Die aktuelle Schaubude” (there’s no date on the footage but the hair suggests late 1970s).

There’s also a single by Die Albrecht Familie (sadly not available on Spotify) dating from 1978 called “Wohlauf in Gottes schöne Welt” (Well in God’s beautiful world) with B-sides of “Alle Birken grünen in Moor und Heid” (All birches blossom in the moor and heath) and “Ich kann Charles Michel nicht ausstehen.”

CAPTION COMPETITION

“A tense moment in the grand final of the European Staring Championships.”

Can you do better? Email pdallison@politico.eu or on Twitter/X @pdallisonesque

Last time we gave you this photo:

Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag — there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze.

“German chancellor ensures that Berlin remains free from high-speed internet connectivity,” by Matthew Barnard

Paul Dallison is POLITICO’s deputy EU editor.